~unicornrapist

Uhg... Do you ever sit and wonder how many people had to approve of something before it hits the mass media? Seriously... anything you witness that's coming to you from some sort of media outlet has to be approved of by dozens of people. Clients, supervisors, ceo's, quality control... well maybe not that... but you get the idea.

Hancock? First off... Will Smith? Can you please make a movie that isn't a "summer blockbuster" that comes out in July. You're a good actor... what the fuck happened?

The plot... and there are spoilers in here. There's your warning. I wish someone would have spoiled it for me.

Hancock is a drunken super hero... low life... asshole. In fact that's his button. Like Marty McFly being called chicken. The first half of the movie was good. They could have made it a 45 minute made for tv special and it would have been better. Hancock does dumb drunken asshole stuff (ALL of which they show on the trailers). Then he saves a PR guy (Jason Bateman)... the PR guy offers his services to give Hancock a better image.

The state brings Hancock up on charges. (again all of this is shown in the previews) He goes to jail of his own free will. Crime skyrockets and the police chief lets him out to stop a bank robber/hostage situation.

That all happens by the half way point. Then comes all of the shit that they didn't show you in the previews. Now that I've seen it... there was good reason. Turns out the PR guys wife is a super hero too. Her and Hancock are clandestine imortal gods that have been alive for thousands of years. They're married and when they're near each other they start to become mortal. Hancock at some point got amnesia and doesn't remember this stuff.

It's hurting my brain recalling all of this and typing it out. There's realy not much more to say. After the half way point the story just goes out the fucking window and makes you want to barf. It had about as much decent plot as Cloverfield but at least it didn't make me want to throw up from the camera work... just the cheesedick dialog.

I'm not sure if this review has made much sense... I feel like I have a bit of vertigo... My point is that you should not go see this movie. I should not have seen this movie... there were other options. There are always other options.


DO NOT SEE HANCOCK!

I need fluids and a good book to bring my brain back online...

Miah out...